Graduation Jitters

Excited, Confused, Uncertain, Accomplished, Muddled

These and many more words describe the mixed feelings I have about my graduation ceremony tomorrow. The butterflies are there as if to remind me that this too is an important moment, though my mind denies this reality and seeks to somehow frame my ceremony in the mundane category. Graduation seems somehow separate and distinct from those long afternoons huddled over my books or writing my presentations on my laptop. I remember those early morning log-ins where I participated in the class discussion and sent in my assignments. I remember those Fall afternoons when my husband gave me the opportunity to lock myself in my room to complete a difficult assignment without my four little ones bothering me.
These are the memories that come to mind when I think of school. I remember receiving my grades with confidence simply because I knew my scores on each and every assignment. I remember calculating my "A" prior to each end of class.
Yes, it is a big deal. I managed to attend college completely online (which is quite difficult for many who need a physical classroom). I managed to finish with a 3.95 GPA despite my obligations as a mother of four.
Note: even as I write this, my mind shifts back to the muddled uncertainty that seems to engulf my every accomplishment. Why can't I simply stand in my accomplishment and claim it? Most people assume that redheads are somehow super-confident and that I too am a leader-type that can stand positively in who I am. For the most part, this is true. Alas, with some things my confidence falters.
Then, I think of the reason why I agreed to attend my graduation ceremony: to teach my children that there is rewards for hard work. I hope this was taught in my daily efforts to achieve good grades and do my best. I hope this is taught to them as they saw me attack each class with excitement and chose to find value in every subject. Alas, as I stand on the brink of this ceremony that is supposed to symbolize the achievements that they witnessed, it's easy for me to downgrade my accomplishment. It's easy for me to compare myself with those that never took the path that I took. It's easy to note all my peers who went the traditional route and never had to study whilst managing a household, launching a career, and being a mother to four children. Possibly I envy what seems to be an easier road that might have been mine. Then, I remember that I value this so much. I worked so hard. I appreciate the life that I've created. I love my life. Mine might not have been an easier path, but it was full of blessings. My story is complicated and interesting and real. This is why I stand up and embrace my accomplishment because my story is authentic.
I like who I am.
I remember something that was told to me by a friend... she expounded on my motto: "Live Life Deliberately" to say: "Live Life Deliberately and WITH CONFIDENCE".
Confidence, that's always been my problem. It's easy for me to compare and consequently discount my accomplishments in the grand scheme of things.
Yet, these are precisely the moments when I need to stand tall as a woman and confidently claim my accomplishments.
Now the question at hand: what to wear??? I will have the classic robe that makes you look like some kind of priest. The oh so fabulous hat with tassel. So, I'm thinking comfortable. I'm just not sure. Do I go with a dress?